This post is contributed Julia Burks, and is part of a series of personal essays about the decision of whether to have kids. For alternative perspectives, see Jackie’s take on remaining child-free, and Lisa’s journey to motherhood.
Confession time. I am 25 and have never changed a diaper.
There are 2 reasons why. One, as a child I was not allowed to. I am a hyper adult, so I was a VERY hyper child. Would you let me hold your baby as a kid? Second reason, I have not wanted to. I love kids and babies, but I will admit, they scare me. The moment they cry and start getting fussy, my chest starts to feel choked up. Anxiety starts to kick in.
Even with that fear, I adore my friend’s kids. I CAN’T WAIT TO BE AN AUNT. I can’t help but coo when I see an adorable baby. I just like the fact that when a kids starts to cry, I can pass it back to their parent.
Growing up, I was great with kids. I volunteered as an assistant at my church’s Sunday school for the Kindergarten level. And for the most part, I loved it! I was told by many people I should be a kindergarten teacher because of how well I interacted with kids.
As a kid, I was sure I wanted to be a mother one day. At one point, I use to muse over about having 4 kids and daydreamed of what I would name my future little ones. When I was in college, I dated a guy for 3 years and we even had our first kid’s named picked out! Looking back at that college moment, I see how ridiculous I was being.
After I graduated college and got a grown up job, my college boyfriend and I broke up. I started to participate at Bella Forza Fitness more to help heal my broken heart. I got to meet many amazing individuals, ones who decided to have kids and ones who decided to not have kids.
This was when I started to wonder…do I even want children?
I was so sure I wanted a kid, but truth is…I wanted the kids I imagined. My kids might not turn out like that. It started to click! I had a choice, where before I did not see I had one.
I started to see what a huge life decision it was and that it should not be made lightly. More thoughts and questions started to cross my mind.
What if I can’t financially provide for a kid?
What if I have an illness I could pass along to them?
What if my personality is just not a good match to be a mother? I am a workaholic… Will my career allow me time to be a good mother? Will I ever be mature enough to make decisions for them?
What if I decide to not be a mom one day and regret it? What if I have a kid and resent it?
Will I ever be willing to give up what I need to in order to be a mom? I love to sleep. I love going out to dinner. I love to travel. I worry about the things I will have to give up or limit myself on to become a mother. But I do understand having kids just means I will going on another adventure instead of going on an adventure to Peru!
Can you tell I am an overthinker?
Then another thing popped into my head. There was someone else who should be factored in. My future partner. What if I found someone amazing, fall in love and they do not want kids? I don’t want to end an amazing relationship because they do not want kids. What if I found someone and they wanted to be a parent very badly? I do not want to keep that dream from them.
And what if I do not find anyone to be with? Do I want to take away motherhood from myself because of that?
On top of all of this, I was worried my family would be upset if I never got married or had kids. I expressed this concern to my mom. Her words made me feel a million times better. She told me if I never got married or had kids…that it was fine. She just wanted me to be happy.
I had worried for no reason. It was more than fine to be unsure!
So I decided to let myself be unsure. I will gain more life experiences and knowledge under my belt first and a more mature Julia will get to make this decision, with her future partner. And if I don’t end up with someone, heck, I will make the decision by myself!
This is not a decision I need to make now. Right now, it is all about me, my family, my friends, hobbies, food, my career, and of course, traveling!
Julia is passionate about pole dance, aerial silks, reading, DIY/sewing, and traveling. Her free time often goes to being with friends and family. She is constantly brainstorming a new trip or places to explore. Julia believes people show their sexy strength most when they are being true to themselves and loving who they are, inside and out.